I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
