Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
