He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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