that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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