he puts the penis in happiness.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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