Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
