i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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