but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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