i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize