If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
