Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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