There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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