I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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