Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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