take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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