if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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