I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
