The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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