I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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