Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
