Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
