You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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