You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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