Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
