sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
