thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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