fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
