it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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