Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
