You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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