so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
