The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
