"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize