how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
