Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
