I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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