I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize