I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
