But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
