My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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