Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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