Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
