how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
