I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
