I must be too annoying 4 u.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
