how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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