I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
