No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
