Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He passed out mid-signature
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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