i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
