Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
