I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
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How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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