oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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