now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
