I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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