do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
