he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
