Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
