life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
