It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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