i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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