Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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