I need help removing her.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
did i walk over a car last night?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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