My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
