i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
