I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
